So I haven't update in the longest time...again, due to school/work/SFUBC/church (but that's not an excuse). This summer has been really busy and I'm actually glad that it's coming to an end...but then there's the fact that I have finals next Thursday and I haven't started studying AT ALL. Good news tho: I finished my last organic chem lab today so I have no excuses to studying =S (I had to take a week off coz I was reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)

I've been thinking a lot..about if there wasn't a particular discussion in the 'iano room' last Fall, what would I be like today? It's hard to tell...coz #1: I haven't been religious at all before that fateful talk and I probably wouldn't have gone back to it if that discussion didnt' happen. I'd probably go on through my days saying that I should go to church or something, but I'm too busy to do that...and plus Catholic mass doesn't really appeal to me..since I sometimes fall asleep or blank out during the homily. Then when my Grandmother passed away three days after my 20th birthday, it made me think again. I had a choice: to be angry at God and just stop everything and be mad at the world OR I can actually take this time to evaluate my point in life, and try to see if I can actually pursue a closer relationship with Him...well guess what..I ended up choosing the latter...coz of curiosity and to see if I would actually change my ways.

Comparing my life in Ontario and the life I live right now: they're 2 separate poles. On one side, I had a bad attitude, didnt' care about anything, would go to church out of duty (or force), practically cursed every other word in the sentence, etc. In short, yeah I could practically be called a bitch for stuff I've done. Not to say that I'm not like that right now. I'm trying to change. And I've changed a lot since I came here. I have found a relationship with God again, and learning how to grow in Faith with Him.

Also, I've sort of made a decision this past Spring that I would rather be Christian (protestant) than Catholic. U've got to look in the past too - I was raised in a small town, sadly, where every person that I've grown up with was baptized, reconciled, confirmed even...and now they look around themselves and say that "God is dead". The Catholic church there is also declining in youth as well, because of that fact. I think it could be the case where parents are not teaching their children how to grow in their relationship with God and that it is not out of duty that we attend church. I went to a conference in Willingdon the last day before I went back to Ontario this past Spring, and the speaker talked about this observation. I also agree that men, especially Fathers, should step up and be the spiritual leader in the family. (after all, as my Dad like to put it, their the "Heads" of the Family) I also think, that if this was the case with my Dad, I wouldn't have strayed from the Lord...but who knows, I'd most likely rebel anyways...but it would've been better.

Thus, this comes to my attempt to try and get my Dad to become more open to God and for him to pursue a closer relationship with Him as I have come to pursue....trouble is...he's not pursuing it like I am. *sigh* I've already challenged him on his birthday to actually pick up his Bible and actually read it and reflect/apply the teachings to his life.....apparently he took it as a joke and laughed along with everyone else -_-||| This summer (two weeks), he's coming to visit me here in BC. I really wanted him as well as my Mom to come to Willingdon with me while they're here...IT's only once!!! ughhhhh...seriously, there's nuthing wrong with that...and then he gets mad at me over the phone two nights ago and says that there isn't any time and that it's practically a waste...it made me really upset afterwards. I know that my Uncle (whom I've grown to dislike the most out of the family...hopefully that MIGHT change) and his wife/son are coming here along with my Dad and that I'm supposed to be showing them around...but let's face it - it only takes 1hr20mins out of our lives EACH WEEK...that's not much. This is what I've come to learn...and it is NOT a waste of our time...especially if we're Christian or Catholic, we want to be closer to God and to apply the teachings in the Bible to our everyday lives. (unless u'r like those kids from my town...but that's not an excuse for them) At least my Mom is saying that she'll see..but she won't make any promises...she's the only one that's been keeping me from going agnostic or whatnot...

And there's of course the question btwn Christian and Catholic...which I might have figured out, but it's in my perspective since I'm taking it from my life. By Christian, I mean mostly Protestant..I got confused at first because everyone would say that they're Christian..which turned out to be Protestant Christian. Before I was introduced into the "Christian side of things", I thought that we HAD to go to church (I only went coz I lead the congregation in singing.....coz the singing there was bad enough to make u LEAVE the church...maybe that's y there aren't any youths there...), we HAD to confess our sins to a priest in order to receive forgiveness...otherwise it doesn't count..church songs are boring...yeahh..'nuff said....most of all, it didn't feel like u could be close to God and whatnot..coz of all the rituals and traditions, etc...it's pretty structured...But now, I've learned that U DONT' need a priest to intercede - coz u already have a PERSONAL relationship with God. Worshipping comes in different forms - singing/playing worships songs and talking with the Lord is what I do most now...I still haven't gotten a decent answer as to why Catholics have the "Hail Mary" and how we/they pray to Mary and the Saints, so I kinda stopped because...there's no good reason yet...I've discussed with my priest...and that didn't go well hahahahhaha^^ yeahhh...he's too biased let's just say.

Attending Willingdon, I've come to figure out that this is my style of worship/service because I love the music (which is a big thing for me) and the sermon is actually straightforward and applies to everyday life..or tries to interpret the teachings...whereas this is going on in my head during Homily: "...I have no clue what he's saying up there....but keep rambling and maybe I can figure out how this applies to me *shrugs*.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" (sorry if it might seem like I'm crossing the border on some of these subjects...but this is how I actually feel). ohhh, and huge difference: sermons are interesting...and u already know my opinion on Homilies...@@!

....I lost my train of thought...uh oh...... oh well....it's 3am..I'm tired..that's enough rambling for tonight.....I might catch up later...*shrugs*

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